Radical Honesty in the Jungle: 1

Fellow Radical Honesty trainer, Tony Shawcross, and I will be co-leading the Radical Honesty in Relationships Retreat in the mind-blowingly magical setting of Cascada Elysiana in the southern Pacific area of Costa Rica, March 10th-16th!

Because I wonder if there are other folks who are interested in the retreat who probably have questions, I decided to interview Tony for y’all, to address a few questions I thought you may have. 

Why Radical Honesty in Relationships?

Maybe it’s because I'm a little codependent, but to me, the people I have in my life and the relationships I foster with them have more impact on my joy and fulfillment in life than anything else. I'd rather live in a rusty old shack with wonderful people and a strong community over being in the world's most lavish mansion alone or with people who bring me down.

This workshop helps you build friendships and relationships that are aligned with your core self, your highest self, supporting you living the life you want, and the only way I’ve found to do that is to be brave enough to fully expose yourself and bring Radical Honesty to your relationships.

What is the main focus of the Radical Honesty in Relationships curriculum? 

We spend the first few days focusing only on our subconscious as the foundation for the workshop. In my experience, few people realize how much of our world-view and our choices are driven by our subconscious programming (hint: almost all). Most of this programming is formed in early childhood (some of it is even encoded in our genes). And there's this thing that happens when hidden parts of our psyche become visible for the first time (the only other experiences I've had that can compare involved large amounts of psychedelics) and it’s a joy to work with people who are willing to let their defenses down in a way that allows them to see these exiled parts of their psyche and understand how profoundly their subconscious has steered the ship of their life without any conscious awareness. This is the first step in learning how to be more deliberate about the relationships we foster.

What's the goal of the workshop? What will I get out of it?

We usually learn to start hiding parts of ourselves, lying and withholding in early childhood, and most adults have never experienced a relationship where they are truly exposed and allowing another person to see the thoughts and feelings they experience. In this workshop, participants learn how decades of practicing dissociation has left them actually incapable of experiencing their own authentic thoughts and feelings, much less sharing them with others. The workshop gives them tools and practices to open a whole new way of relating to themselves and others, and those who are brave enough to seize the opportunity invariably get a taste of a deeper connection to themselves and others that, for me, has made any type of relationship besides one based in Radical Honesty entirely unappealing.

What have you witnessed couples taking away from the workshops or coaching they do with you?

From time to time, we get some real workshop junkies in these retreats: People who have taken dozens and dozens of workshops around the world. I always appreciate and seek out their feedback because they bring such a wide range of experience from other modalities and programs, and the feedback I've received is that "special sauce" that Radical Honesty offers that no other programs have quite matched, is what it opens-up for people in romantic relationships. People don't understand how powerful it can be to fully expose yourself to a loving, accepting witness. Once you experience a love based in radical honesty and acceptance, you'll never accept anything less.

Do most people who come to you for couples work do so because they’re in breakdown/crisis, or because they’re  looking for support in building and maintaining open, honest communication? 

Most of the couples I work with come to therapy because one or both partners wants me to help them change the other. It can be disappointing for them to learn that the approach I take is based far more in acceptance than change. There are workshops and modalities designed to help people make big life changes, but this work is about Noticing. Accepting. And Embracing ourselves and our partners, and communicating honestly along the way (which ironically can lead to pretty radical change). 

What’s awesome about Cascada Elysiana as a place in the world and as a retreat space?

When we're working to build new ways of relating to ourselves and our partners, it’s good to be in a new setting that supports new neural pathways. Cascada Elysiana is integrated with the land and nature in a way few places are, and I find it energizing and invigorating to be in such a beautiful place with fresh air, fresh water, fresh food, and fresh faces. Even the act of traveling there subconsciously programs our psyche for a new experience and context of investing in ourselves and our relationships... and you are worth the investment. 

Can people expect intensity and hard work at the retreat, PLUS some relaxation and fun? Or how would you describe how the workshop might be and feel?

The workshop is designed to take you as far as you're willing & able to go. There's nothing more intense than exposing exiled parts of our psyche to ourselves and others. When we're doing that kind of work, it’s important to take time and space to relax our nervous systems, so we'll be visiting the waterfall, swimming holes, and allowing time for people to connect with nature. I’ve never had someone in this particular workshop feeling they had not experienced some profound growth. I have, however, received a few complaints about not having enough down-time, so we’ll be sure there’s a balance.

Why would a solo/single person want to go to this relationship retreat? Could it be awkward for them?

Traditionally, about half of the people who attend this workshop are singles. Even when you're with a partner, the majority of the work is discovering and accepting yourself in a way that makes it possible to be Radically Honest with another. Surprisingly, I’ve found that work can be easier for singles who aren’t distracted with thoughts of their partner. I promise that singles will feel at-home at the retreat, and will leave with a surprising, new and fulfilling relationship to themselves.

Thanks Tony!

Thanks for reading, everyone. We’ll be back for Part 2 of this interview, when I answer some questions that Tony gives me about the Radical Honesty in Relationships Retreat and the Cascada Elysiana Retreat Center, where I lived for 6 months in 2016 before it was a retreat center!

If this retreat is calling to you and you’ve got some questions to help you get off the fence and make your decision, Tony and I would be so happy to chat with you. We can absolutely support you in working out travel options from the airport to the retreat center.

We hope to be with you for this huge adventure.

LOVE
Lindsay